Beauty

Some kids are so fucking ugly. I wonder how the ugly live and feel on a daily basis. I wonder what its like to look like a motherfucker. To know that even after cleaning up, you still look like you could suck Frankenstein’s cock. To be an object of derision, ignored by all, spurned by the women you lust over, appalled by the man in the mirror, and to have to feel inferior to the Beautiful Ones every day of your godforsaken existence. We all have the occasional bad day but for mofos, everyday is a bad day.

If I were a mofo, I would shy away from beautiful ones because those bitches would merely amplify all of my deficiencies. I would save up religiously for plastic surgery and ensure that my hygiene and manners are flawless- at the very least. I would definitely have to be as thin as I could possibly be and wear nice clothes. Makeup every day- I wouldn’t leave the house without it. Definitely surgery. Hair extensions. Manicures. Pedicures. Perfumes. “How to win friends and influence people.” would be my bible and Dale Carnegie my spiritual advisor. And of course I’d have to be rich and successful. I’d be forced to be a nice person… its my only hope at nabbing a human being who’d be attracted enough to want to stick dick or rub clit with me.

Then again, would I want to propagate such genes? It is my civic duty to ensure that I am not an assault to the senses of my people. Valiantly, for the welfare of mankind, I would humbly submit myself for sterilization. Life would not be worth living if I were a mofo. Too much pain to bear. I’m the jealous and bitter sort…Actually if you’ve never felt beautiful before, maybe you’ll get used to the feeling and it won’t bother you any more. You’ll just be everyone’s buddy and comfort blanket, loyal eunuch to the wives of your best buddies at those wild ‘dinner’ parties. Fuck. I wonder if even my mommy would love me.

I was taking attendance the other day and an involuntary shudder ran down my spine when I spied that devilish countenance. Swinish for sure. Curled sneering lips, wide ugly buck-ish teeth, dead dull eyes…. The atrocity my eyes had to endure as I beheld a mofo. The only true mofo in my class. Most are passable, some are ugly, some pretty cute and then that one unfortunate error that Mother Nature engendered. And they say God is merciful. I’m still disgusted when I look at him but of course I’m professional about it. I compose myself and I speak soothingly to it, offering it some semblance of kindness, some form of consolation, anything at all to numb the pain that dogs you when you have a face like your mother’s labia, spread out in its crowning glory.